Opinions

When you work in a field that depends heavily  on subjectivity, like advertising, you hear a lot of opinions flying around. Everybody seems to have one, and everybody wants everybody to know it. It doesn’t matter if it’s not informed, it doesn’t matter if it isn’t relevant. All that matters is that you’re right. Which is kind of ironic, because that goes against the very grain of what an opinion is.

It wouldn’t be so bad if opinions were stated, and then left there. People could then choose to use it to improve their work if they saw fit, or politely ignore it and proceed along smoothly. But we all know that that is never the case. An opinion is like the One Ring from JRR Tolkien’s wonderful ‘Lord of the Rings’ trilogy. Just like the One Ring wants to be found, an opinion wants to be heard. It will refuse to go unnoticed, will bog you down with the sheer weight of its malice, and if not handled carefully, will be your downfall. (Okay, maybe it’s not so dramatic, but you have to admit it’s a good analogy)

Opinions can range from snotty (Really? Brown? It’s not exactly a sophisticated colour, is it?) to threatening (I wouldn’t make that logo any smaller if I were you) to ones that will make you pull your hair out and scream into a pillow (I guess this is a good  line, but like, why do we need a headline, anyway? People hardly read these days).

In my experience, though, the worst type of opinion is the vague opinion. And when it comes from someone who is in charge of approving your work, like your boss or a client, it can be a creative death knell. Here’s an example to explain what I mean:

COPYWRITER: Here’s the print ad me and the designer worked on. *places board with ad on boss’ table.*

BOSS: *stares at it for five minutes* Hmm. I don’t…get it.

COPYWRITER: Would you like me to explain it to you?

BOSS: No, that’s not what I meant. See, it doesn’t have that ‘WOW’ factor.

COPYWRITER: … Wow factor?

BOSS: Yeah, it’s not… *gestures with hands like he’s conducting an orchestra* WOW, you know? It needs to be more – edgy. Have more ZING!

COPYWRITER: In terms of copy or design?

BOSS: I don’t know. Maybe one. Maybe both! They should speak to me! Reach out and engage. And right now it’s not doing that.

COPYWRITER: *mental facepalm*

See, it’s understandable that sometimes it’s hard to articulate what exactly you’re feeling. The phrase ‘something’s a little off’ was created for such occasions. But when you use jargon and buzzwords to pick holes in something that didn’t need any – that is far more difficult (and infuriating) to deal with.

Speaking of corporate jargon, here is my list of my top 10 most-hated words/phrases:

1. Touch-base

2. Impactful

3. Meet Offline

4. Incentivize

5. Prepone

6. Interfacing

7. Bandwidth

8. Key Player

9. Proactive

10. Re-invent the wheel

And, as a bonus, here is something that I’m sure everyone in advertising has heard at least fifty-seven times: “Think out of the box”. How many of you would like to send that box out of the window into the nearest trash compactor?

Mythical Morons

“The consumer is not a moron. She is your wife.”

– David Ogilvy

David Ogilvy really did hit the nail on the head. I only wish it was the head of some marketing people I’ve had the displeasure of working with.

If there’s one thing that really, really ticks me off, it’s when our audience is considered to have the IQ of a mosquito. Here are some actual quotes I have encountered in the past few weeks:

“They won’t understand that headline. It’s too hi-fi.”

Okay, hi-fi? What is it, a sound system?

“No the headline is not impactful enough. Our audience doesn’t understand layered communication.”

I seethe every time I hear the corporate non-word ‘impactful’. It. Is. Not. A. Word. It means NOTHING. People should stop using it RIGHT NOW before I start THROWING THINGS. Said audience in this case refers to the parents of young children, belonging to SEC A+ in major metropolitan cities. Oh, suuure, they won’t understand anything BUT the obvious. Did you also know that they need to refer to the user manual every time they need to switch on their Macbook Pro? And that they press buttons on their Blackberry randomly because they think that that will make Santa come early this year?

So here are a few guidelines certain marketing executives could benefit from:

• We’re copywriters. We love words, but we’re prudent with them. When we do use them, they have a purpose.
• It isn’t as easy as going to thesaurus.com, choosing the longest one and slapping it on the headline.
• ARTICLES ARE IMPORTANT. Please take that into consideration when you say something along the lines of “We want the words “Celebrate” “Experience” and “Christmas in there. But don’t make it longer than 5-6 words”
• YOUR TARGET GROUP IS SMARTER THAN YOU THINK. Give them some credit, because they wouldn’t be too happy if they found out what you think of their mental capacity.
• Don’t write a lame headline and pass it off as our work when we’re in front of the client. We might not be able to do anything at that point, but karma exists, and I’ve heard she can be a real bitch.